He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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