i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
