Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
