apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
