Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
