We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
