Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
They have beer where we have blood.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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