I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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