I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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