Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
