I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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