Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
