there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
