TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
