Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
