Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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