I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
