I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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