I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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