i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
