I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
