this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
