can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
