are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
