i permit you to call me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
