They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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