So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
