I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
