So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
