I love black thongs
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
zippers are such a cool invention
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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