I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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