Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
