It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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