This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
