Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
