can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
