how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
