im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
