it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
