I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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