i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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