Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
