He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
