She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
