I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
