Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
