we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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