wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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