Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
