dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
