I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
