i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
