mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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